


Shadow Of A Star

by Female_Whovian



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst, Au!Maya, Dark!Maya, Drama, F/M, Friendship, Romance, idek what you’re supposed to write here, lots of angst my friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-01-25 11:34:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12530404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Female_Whovian/pseuds/Female_Whovian
Summary: Maya had finally figured out her feeling for Lucas. Four years later. Now she just needed to figure out what to do with the rest of her life. Enter Ethan, the one guy who seems like such a bad boy, but is he really? And what is Maya supposed to do when it seems like her life is falling apart around her? Read to find out. Slight dark kinda AU!Maya, angsty fore sure.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of sex, nothing explicit, but still. Mentions of underage drinking, parental neglect, and the marijuana. Please enjoy... I beg of you.

**A/N- Hey kiddo's, so here's a new story, because I cannot get a life. I should warn you, that the angst is real in this. Also, there are mentions of sex, nothing explicit, but still. Mentions of underage drinking, parental neglect, and the marijuana. So, enjoy the chapter, and if you want to, leave a review. Hope you enjoy! Also published on FanFiction.net!**

"I don't like Lucas." She murmured, as a look of realisation came over her face. It only took her 4 years to figure it out.

"I don't like Lucas." She said a little louder, a rush of a cocktail of joy and confusion filled her body.

"I DON'T LIKE LUCAS!" She cried hopping up from where she sat on the fire escape, twirling around, ignoring the cries of anger from the old men in the building opposite hers.

"This is great! I figured it out! I liked him because Riley liked him, and because I was so influenced by Riley, I was too blind to the truth! Even after I changed back from imitating Riley, I was just lying to myself! Oh, this is amazing! The triangle is over! Riley will be with Lucas and I'll be… alone." She realised, sitting back down on the stairs.

"I'll be alone. Riley will have Lucas, and I'll have… no one." The other shoe had dropped. She'd been so excited that she had figured out her feelings, she hadn't realised what that would mean. It had happened to her before. Friends had gotten in relationships, but ended up cancelling plans, ignoring calls, and pulling away, so they could be with their partner. But that'll never happen with Riley, she told herself, we're best friends.

But for how long, said a darker voice in the back of her mind. She couldn't think about this. She just couldn't. So, she did what she did best… ran away. Turns out she truly was her father's daughter.

#################

"Hey Maya!"

"Maya! There's the party girl!"

"Where you been girl?" She grinned, slightly buzzed, when she saw her friends. Running meant heading to Jersey. Heading to some of her old spots, ones she hadn't visited in a while. And this club was her favourite. It was easy to get in. Slip the bouncer a 20 and he looked the other way. Show the bartender a good enough fake ID, he didn't ask any questions, and served you drinks no matter your true age. It was sleazy, dirty, and her favourite type of place.

"Sorry guys, I've just been… figuring stuff out."

"Whatever girl! We're just glad you're back! Hey, teach this guy the Hart!" Her friend Candy cried, pushing a gorgeous guy towards her. He was around her age, and was dressed in black, with a leather jacket… just how she liked them.

"Maya Hart?!" He cried, voice difficult to hear over the loud, pumping music.

"Who's asking?"

"Ethan Granes. We went to middle school together!" She nodded, too buzzed to really care. She had already helped herself to the bar's extensive cheap liquor. She grabbed his jacket and pulled him towards her body. He looked at her shocked as she began to run her fingers down his body, all while swinging her hips. She circled him, a predatory look in her eyes before pulling his face closer to her own.

"Dance with me." His look of shock quickly turned into a look of lust. He nodded, and she turned, dancing with him in time to the music. They danced for a while, slowly getting hotter and hotter, and drinking more than was probably healthy. He pressed up against her back, and she grinded on him to the beat of the deafening music playing in the background. Finally, he leant forward, and gently kissed neck. She arched her back and moved her hair to the side to allow him more access. Her friends hollered in approval as she spun around and kissed him. She didn't know if it was the alcohol, or facing the fear of loneliness egging her on, but she stood on her tippy toes to whisper in his ear,

"Do you wanna get out of here?" She pulled back and bit her lip, nervous about what he would reply with. There was no need for her nerves though as he smirked, grabbed her hand, and sped towards the door. She laughed as she heard her friends shouting approval.

"Get it girl!"

"Have fun you two!"

"Remember to use a condom!"

She sent a sultry wink to the girls before laughing and following the boy out the door. They kissed even more once the exited the club, barely parting their lips for a second. Finally, he hailed a cab and they jumped in the back. He told the cabbie some random address, but Maya wasn't really listening and she didn't really care. All she knew was that she wanted this guy. And he wanted her. That was all she needed.

################

They stumbled into his apartment, kicking their shoes off, and tearing their shirts off one another.

"Won't your parents notice?"

"They're at a meeting outta town for the week. We've got the place to ourselves. Jump." He ordered as he lifted her onto the kitchen table. She began kissing him even harder, running her hands over his lean body. Suddenly, she pulled back, remembering something very important.

"Do you have a condom?"

"In the bedroom."

"Then why are we still in here gorgeous?" He grinned and picked her up, carrying her towards his bed, plopping her down on the mattress. She quickly pulled her shorts off, until she was just in her underwear and bra. Not for very much longer though, as he pulled them down her legs and she undid the clasp on her bra. He quickly kicked off his own pants and boxer briefs before he approached her.

"Condom." She breathed and he nodded, pulling one out from the side drawer, and hurrying to slip it on.

"Are you ready?" She paused. This would be her first time. She'd always imagined it to be perfect. With a nice guy, with perhaps, well, Josh.

"Maya?" She shook herself out of her daydream. She didn't want to turn back now. She was nervous, but she completely wanted this. She bit her lip and nodded. She was ready.

**A/N- So there you have it. Also, everyone is eighteen and legal in this story. And by the way, if you're going to engage in sexual acts like my Maya does, don't risk it, wrap your biscuit! Also, side note. I orginally wrote this story at the beginning of season three, before Ski Lodge and all that jazz, so this story is a bit AU. Funny thing, I'm kinda of a Lucaya shipper, but oh well. Until next time, adios!**


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own anything you recognise! Please let me know if you enjoyed by hitting that kudos button or leave some feedback!

She groaned as the light infiltrated her eyes, and her phone buzzed. She put her pillow over her head, and found it to be softer than usual. Her sheets also felt different. And why was she so sore? Suddenly last night's events came rushing to her and she sat up quickly. Oh god. She didn't regret it, it was just unusual of her. She was reckless, just not this reckless. She heard her phone buzz again and reached over to answer it.

"Hello?" She said groggily.

"Oh my god, Maya, where the hell are you? I have called you eight times!" Her mother screamed down the phone aggravating her hangover.

"I just… slept over at a friend's house."

"Really? Because I already called Riley, Smackle, Farkle, Zay, God's sake, I even called Lucas! None of them knew where you were! I have been worried sick!"

"Mom relax. I have other friends. I'm fine. Look, I'll be home later. Bye."

"Don't you dare hang up on m-" But Maya had already hit the red button on her phone. She flopped back on the bed, head pounding.

"Breakfast?" She jumped hearing a voice from the doorway. She looked to see Ethan standing in the doorway, in all his glory. Shirtless, glorious abs, and caramel skin shining in the daylight.

"I think if I even think of food I'll throw up." He chuckled at her antics and came into the room, sitting down on the bed.

"C'mon. It's my hangover special. Greasy eggs, hash browns, and bacon. Aaand a Bloody Mary to wash it all down." She groaned and sat up.

"Fine. You've convinced me. I'll be out in a second." He smiled and nodded before exiting out the way he came. She laid there for a few more seconds before leaving the warm bed, only to realise she was very naked. Where are my damn clothes, she thought, looking around to no avail. She finally decided to grab a shirt from Ethan's closet. She grabbed the first one she could find, a blue button up, and walked towards the kitchen. He looked up as he heard her approaching but completely stopped when he saw her. She looked unbelievably sexy in his shirt, hair fluffed from last night's adventures.

"What?" She asked as she saw him just staring at her.

"You are unbelievably beautiful." She rolled her eyes and sat down at the breakfast bar.

"And you are unbelievably cheesy." He chuckled as he handed her a drink. She grimaced at the taste but thanked him anyway.

"So, have you seen my clothes by any chance?"

"They're in the dryer right now. They smelt strongly of… well whatever we were drinking last night, so I figured you might want them washed."

"Thanks. It would have been just another thing to add to the list of things my mom is going to yell at me for." He laughed at that, causing her to giggle too. She liked that. He seemed to laugh at most things. He was a good guy, from what it seemed. After they'd eaten breakfast, they sat on the couch watching cartoons for a bit.

"Cigarette?" He asked suddenly. She nodded, and watched him light one for her. She took long drag before slowly blowing it out.

"So, I uh, I have to ask. Was last night your, uh, first time?" She froze and looked towards the floor.

"Yeah." She said in a soft voice. He was quiet for a moment before nodding.

"Guessed as much." He paused to tap some ash off into the ashtray before continuing.

"So, was it all you expected and more?" He asked, doing jazz hands. She laughed at his antics, and blew out some smoke before continuing.

"I don't think I was really expecting anything big. It hurt a little more than expected, but it was… nice."

"Just nice?"

"Hah hah, you know what I mean. It was good for a first time. I guess." He nodded and wrapped an arm around the back of the couch, right where Maya sat.

"Well, I have to admit, you were good for a first timer." She laughed before shoving him.

"Gee thanks."

"No, I'm serious! Well, you could have been worse." He joked, giving her a wink. She laughed again before falling silent.

"So… does this end here?" He stopped at her question. That was a point he hadn't thought of. Was this just a one night stand? He really didn't want it to be.

"You know what? Give me your number. And give me your answer by Monday." She said grabbing her phone. He smiled and they exchanged numbers.

"Are my clothes ready yet?"

"Should be. You might want to take a shower first." She nodded and walked to the bathroom. Before she reached her destination however she turned and gave him a sultry look.

"Are you going to join me?" He didn't need to be asked twice.

############

"MAYA PENELOPE HART! WHERE ON EARTH HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"Chill Mom. I just went out to see some friends." She replied, dropping purse on the counter.

"I came home and you weren't there! You haven't snuck out in ages! What were you thinking?"

"Mom, seriously. I just needed to think. Some friends invited me round to their place and I went. Clean and simple."

"Which friends?"

"Just some friends from school. You don't know them. Look, I gotta go. I have something important to tell Riley." She replied as she ducked out the window.

"We are not done talking about this!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." She mumbled as she took the fire escape to the bay window where her friends seemed to be gathered.

"Where's the fire?" She asked sarcastically, but was attacked by a hug by her best friend.

"MAYA! WHERE WERE YOU? ARE YOU HURT? DID YOU TAKE PEPPER SPRAY?" Riley hurled questions at her faster than she could process them.

"Riley… can't… breathe." She choked out as she attempted to pry herself from Riley's death grip.

"I'm sorry! I was just so worried! Nobody knew where you were, and the police said-"

"Why'd you call the cops?"

"Because you were missing Maya! We were all worried about you. This is beyond reckless even for you!" Lucas cut in.

"Oh, shut it Ranger Rick, I wasn't talking to you." Lucas stopped, his mouth shaped in a perfect "O". She then paused, realised what she'd just said, and remembered the revelation of last night.

"Maya-"

"Everyone! I have an announcement to make. Lucas is going to be going out with Riley. Triangle over!" She cried, and clapped her hands. There was a pregnant pause before Farkle spoke up.

"What do you mean Maya?"

"I realised something last night. I don't like you like that Lucas. You're a great friend, but we shouldn't be together. We're too different, and let's be honest, you really only liked me when I was Riley. We had something going there for minute, but it fizzled out when I got back to who I am," she smiled and turned to a shocked looking Riley, "And you have loved him since the moment you fell in his lap."

She took Riley's hands in her and squeezed them tight. She smiled at her and turned back to a room of surprised looking faces.

"You guys have waited too long for this triangle to be over. Well today, marks the finish of it. It's done! Finito! Never to be struck up again." Zay and the Smarkle duet looked at each other for a second, then sighed in relief.

"Thank God! I thought this was gonna go on til college. Bad enough it went on until Senior year." Replied Zay, hand on his heart as though warding off a heart attack. She smiled at her friend's antics and clapped her hands once again.

"Now gang, these two crazy kids need to talk. Topanga's? I'm buying." They all cheered before running out of the bedroom. The two occupants left looked bewildered at Maya, who merely sent them a wink and ran after her friends. Then they were alone. Together.

###############

"So really Maya. What brought on this realisation?" Smackle asked as the boys went to go order food.

"I don't know what you mean." Maya merely replied.

"Maya. I'm not really well versed in what is known as "girl talk", but you can tell me something and I will offer advice to the best of my abilities." She told Maya, her signature smile on her face. Maya paused and thought. She'd thought about the answer last night, but what really solidified was later in the night, or earlier this morning.

"I guess you could say, I met someone."

"Really? Who?"

"Just a guy. A really hot, funny guy." She said with a grin on her face.

"And you have feelings for this guy?"

"I don't know. I just- well I don't know."

"Well you must feel something, for blood is rushing to your cheeks through what is known as blushing. Or perhaps you have Idiopathic Craniofacial Erythema, but that is quite uncommon and-"

"Ok, Smackle, I like him." Smackle grinned and opened her mouth to speak when the boys came back over.

"Don't say anything." Smackle nodded and smiled at her boyfriend when he put an arm around her shoulders.

"And what are you two lovely ladies talking about?"

"Just a boy Maya likes." She then stopped and gave an apologetic look to Maya who was shooting her a glare.

"Who?"

"You don't know him. It's nothing."

"Doesn't seem like nothing." Replied Zay as he bit into his muffin.

"It's nothing." Maya growled through gritted teeth. Zay raised his hands in the universal sign of surrender.

"Fine, it's nothing." Maya nodded approvingly, and they sat in silence for a while.

"So, what's his name?"

"OH MY GOD ZAY!"

"I'm just asking! What, we can't be a part of your life?"

"No, I just- UGH! I don't know where this thing is going yet, so I don't want to get your hopes up." They sat in silence again until Maya groaned and stood up.

"Look, I gotta go do… homework. I'll see you guys later, ok?"

"Ok, bye Ma-" But she was already gone. And they wouldn't see her again until Monday.

**A/N- Haha, did I mention that the angst was real? And it's only going to get more angsty. Be prepared muhahahahahahahah. Also, just so you guys know, here's my stance on smoking. I do not recommend it, but I don't judge those who do it. I have smoked before, I come from a family of smokers, but I've seen the health ramifications. So do it at your own risk.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I own nothing but Ethan and my crap writing. Enjoy!**

"Hi Ethan. I had a really good time the other night. I don't know if you do that type of thing often, but I… well I just didn't want it to be a one night stand, so um… well today's the last day of me waiting, so if you want to say something, you could just text me. Or call. Or email. Or send a carrier pigeon. I don't really care. Um… bye." She spoke to his voicemail then hung up. She sighed then tapped her phone to her forehead as she thought. Maybe he should call him once more. Or was that too desperate? What if-

"Hey Maya, what are you waiting for?" cried Riley from the school steps. Maya gave a fake smile and followed her up the stairs. Maybe she had gotten her hopes up too high. Wouldn't be the first time. She linked arms with her best friend, trying to act like she wasn't dying inside.

"So, Lucas asked me to be his girlfriend!"

"Hmm? Oh, that's great."

"He said he didn't want to be with anyone else!"

"That's great."

"And then later we braided each other's hair and watched chick flicks."

"Fun."

"Maya! You're not even listening." Riley cried at her best friend. Maya sighed as they turned to enter Mr. Matthew's classroom.

"Sorry Riles, I just have a lot on my mind."

"What could be more important than Lucas and I finally getting together?"

"It's nothing. I'm happy for you."

"Are you sure?"

"Definitely. Took you kids long enough." Riley giggled as she took the seat in front of Lucas rather than where she usually sat. Maya smiled as she took Riley's usual seat instead.

"You disappeared on us yesterday Maya. What happened?" Farkle asked from behind. She turned and gave him a fake smile.

"Sorry, I just needed to get some air. I'm fine now."

"No, you're not." He shot back. She sighed, hating how observational Farkle was. He knew most of her secrets before she even had them.

"No, I'm not. But I'm getting there." He nodded slowly before turning back to the front. They waited there in silence until it became obvious that Mr. Matthews was late.

"Hey where's Matthews?" She asked looking around the room. Riley gave her a pointed look.

"Maya, you're not thinking of jumping on the desk, or doing something crazy, are you?" Maya gave her best friend an odd look, one Riley couldn't quite figure out.

"Nah, I don't really feel like it." The whole class gasped and stared at Maya.

"But Maya, that's who you are. The troublemaker, the crazy one! You do wacky, troublemaker things, then I clean them up for you. What's going on with you?" Maya sighed and dropped her head on her desk.

"I'm fine Riles. I'm just not up to it today." Maya mumbled, not looking up at her best friend. Riley stared at her best friend, not understanding what was wrong. She'd been acting strange since Friday when she'd snuck out.

"Maya-" Before she could finish her sentence, her father walked into the room, cringing slightly, as if waiting for something crazy to be going on. When he realised nothing was wrong he shot Maya a look, then his daughter one.

"Um… Sorry for being late class. I was busy showing a new student around. Ms. Hart, could you please pick your head up," he asked. Maya slowly lifted her head up and gave him a blank look surprising him, "Uh, alright then. Class, I liked you to give a warm welcome to-"

"Ethan?" Maya asked interrupting his speech. The boy had entered the room during his introduction and was currently smiling at Maya. The entire class glanced back and forth between the new boy and a shocked looking Maya.

"Um, yes. Do you two know each other?" Mr. Matthews inquired as he glanced at the two.

"You could say that." The boy replied grinning at Maya in a way that made Mr. Matthews slightly uncomfortable. He had always felt like Maya was another daughter and didn't like the way the boy was looking at her.

"Well, there's an available seat in the back of the room. Go on." The boy nodded at the teacher and began to head to his seat in the back, but not before stopping to whisper something in Maya's ear. He gave the boy an annoyed look, but tried his best to concentrate on the lesson at hand.

"So… the battle of Yorktown."

#############

Maya stood by the side of the building, looking around, waiting for Ethan where he told her to meet him.

"Hey there gorgeous." Her head whipped around to see Ethan heading towards her. She crossed her arms and tried her best to keep the smile off her face.

"What are you doing here?"

"You remember how I told you that my parents were at a meeting?" She nodded, still a bit confused.

"Yeah, but what has that to do with what why you're here?"

"Well, they decided to transfer me to live with my aunt out here. Turns out they'd been planning it for a while. Took me by surprise. Actually, explains why they've been so perky lately. I expect they were just bursting with joy at the prospect of getting rid of me. I was going to call you, but I figured I'd surprise you instead. So...? Are you surprised?" He grinned. She looked at him with a bored expression for a bit before she broke out in a smile. She grabbed his jacket and dragged him towards her body.

"No shit Sherlock. Now kiss me." He smirked before giving her a bruising kiss. She smiled into the kiss but didn't stop. She moaned a bit when he began to kiss down her neck, sucking at her pulse point. She wanted to stay there forever but eventually had to push him away. She was out of breath and he was panting slightly.

"Why'd you stop?"

"Because lunch period is almost over and I have Spanish next period."

"So what? Skip it."

"Ugh…"

"C'mon Maya. Just this once. My aunt isn't home. She's a nurse. Doesn't get home til one in the morning. And we've got plenty we could do until one." He said, nuzzling her neck. She bit her lip weighing her choices. Sticking around for her easiest class or have amazing sex with her kind of boyfriend. The choice was simple.

################################

"Hey Farkle, is that Maya?" Asked Riley, spotting her best friend standing around by the side of the school building. She seemed to be looking for someone. She began to walk towards her when Farkle grabbed her arm to stop her. She turned to berate him when he pointed back to the scene.

"Look. Isn't that the new kid?" She whirled around to see Ethan approaching her best friend. Maya turned to face the boy with a serious look on her face, and they seemed be deep in conversation. When Maya grabbed his jacket and dragged him to herself she nearly walked over there, until they began to kiss. She stepped back out of view and looked at Farkle who had a similar shocked expression on his face.

"I'm not imagining things, am I? That really just happened." He nodded slowly.

"Riley. We should go back to lunch. Now. We have Spanish next. We could ask her what's going on there." She seemed dazed but agreed. She would definitely ask her what the heck was happening next period.

"Maya Hart? Maya?¿Dónde está la Señora Hart?" Asked Señora Feinstein-Chang, looking towards Riley for an answer. But Riley merely shrugged her shoulders.

"Oh, bueno, supongo que solo será marcada como ausente." She said, and continued with roll call. But Riley was nervous. Where was Maya? Surely she hadn't skipped? Who was she kidding? That was classic Maya. But she hadn't done that in so long. Where on Earth could she be?

###############################

"That was amazing." Maya panted, turning over to look at her bed partner. He smirked at her expression, happy that he managed to make her feel like that.

"What can I say? Practice makes perfect. Cigarette?" He asked passing her the one he'd already been smoking. She smiled and took a long drag before passing it back.

"How did you do that thing with your tongue?" He laughed at the wonder in her voice.

"Oh Maya, I haven't even showed you a quarter of what I can do in bed." She smiled at him and rolled over so she was on top.

"Well then show me. Ready for round two?" He quickly snuffed out his cigarette in the ashtray and grabbed a new condom.

"I'm always ready." She laughed as she prepared for another round of amazing sex.

**A/N- Sooo, yeah. Sexy times have happened. Also, I apologise for the rough translation, if it's bad blame Google Translate. So, what will happen next? You'll have to keep reading to find out hehe.**

**Translation- Where is Miss Hart? Oh, well, I guess she'll just be marked absent.**


	4. Chapter Four

* * *

**I own nothing but Ethan and my crap writing**. **Enjoy!**

"So you're sure you haven't seen her?" Riley asked the policeman in the station.

"Yes ma'am. No one matching that description has come through here." Riley sighed and nodded. Lucas had come with her for support and safety, and he squeezed her hand to try and console his girlfriend.

"Well thank you anyway." Riley hurried back towards her complex, and tried her phone once more. She prepared herself for another voicemail message when she heard the tell-tale click of someone picking up the phone.

"Hello?" Riley was surprised to hear a male voice answer. Lucas gave her a look as she held up a finger as the signal to wait.

"Um, hello. Is Maya there?"

"Sure, she's just in the shower. Can I take a message?"

"Uh, can you tell her it's Riley? Wondering where she is."

"Yeah, no probl- Oh wait, here she is. Babe, it's some girl named Riley calling for you." She heard a mutter of, oh shit, and heard some scratching as the phone exchanged hands.

"Heyyy Riles."

"DON'T YOU "HEYYY RILES" ME! WHERE ARE YOU?" She asked and waited as Maya mumbled something unrecognisable to the male voice. Lucas stared at his girlfriend. He'd never really seen Riley this angry before, and to be honest, it kind of scared him.

"It doesn't really matter. I'll be home soon."

"Maya, it's 9:00! Where have you been?"

"Shit, it 9 already? Damn." Riley could then hear a mumbled sentence that sounded suspiciously like, 'hey babe, pass me my shirt.'

"Maya! What were you thinking? I was so worried!"

"Chill Riley. I'll be home soon."

"You come to the bay window straight away!"

"Fine, fine. I'll be there as soon as possible." She then hung up the phone before Riley could speak again. Riley was shocked. Her best friend never acted like this. Anytime she would be out late she always checked in with Riley. Always. There had to be something wrong. There just had to be. Lucas rubbed her shoulder and gave her a hug.

"I'm sure she's ok Riles. C'mon, your dad's probably worried sick."

"Sorry babe, I gotta go." Maya said hastily as she pulled on her pants and her shirt.

"Already? Can't you stay a bit longer?" Ethan asked, leaving a kiss on her shoulder. She turned to face him and sighed.

"Riley's freaking out enough as it is. I didn't mean to stay this long. I'm already gonna get chewed out by my Mom. She's been acting all responsible lately." She replied as she laced up her boots.

"Mayaaaa."

"Sorry gorgeous. Another time." She answered to his whine, before giving him a quick kiss, grabbing her jacket, and hurrying out of the room. Ethan laid back on the bed and sighed. That girl was going to be the death of him. He was sure of it.

################################

"Did you get a hold of her Riley?" Topanga asked the minute her daughter walked through the door. Riley bit her lip, wondering just what she should tell her Mom.

"Riley?"

"Yeah. She picked up. She said she was at a friend's place and just lost track of time." Lucas stared at Riley in surprise, but she shot him a look before he could explain what really happened.

"Well thank god she's all right. Although I expect she'll be grounded. Right Katie?" She asked turning on the worried mother.

"Oh, most definitely." Topanga nodded satisfied. Then she turned back to her daughter.

"Who was this friend?"

"Mary!"

"Grace!" Lucas and Riley said at the same time. They exchanged looks as the parents crossed their arms and narrowed their eyes at the two.

"Mary-Grace." Riley corrected.

"You wouldn't be lying to us, would you?"

"Nope. Not at all. Um, I told Maya to meet me at the bay window. Maybe I should talk to her first. Good night Lucas." And before anyone could stop her, she ran out of the room. The parents turned to stare at Lucas who began to nervously sweat.

"Well uh, bye." And with that he ran out the front door. The adults exchanged suspicious looks but decided to trust the kids. They usually worked things out themselves. They hoped it would work this time.

#################################

"Hey Riles." Greeted Maya as she slipped in through the window. However, her best friend wouldn't even look at her.

"Riley? Hellllooo? Riles. Look at me." But her friend still refused to look at her.

"Ril-"

"We saw you. Farkle and I. We saw you with the new kid. You kissed him Maya. Then you left with him. And you didn't come back until 9:35. What am I supposed to think?" Riley replied, voice icy. She then turned to see her best friend avoiding her eyes, a guilty look on her face.

"Are you two together?"

"I don't know. Sort of. It's complicated."

"Where did you meet him? Where is he from? How do you know him? How is it complicated? Are you in love with him?" She interrogated Maya.

"Riley, calm down."

"NO! I'm not going to calm down! Who is this guy Maya? He screams trouble." Maya scratched the back of her neck and once again avoided her eyes.

"Just answer me this. Have you had S-E-X with him?" She sucked in her breath when Maya nodded, still not looking at her.

"Do you love him?"

"Jesus Riley. Not everyone falls in love with the first person who smiles at them. Not all of us are so easy." She ranted irritably then winced at the hurt look that appeared on Riley's face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Yes you did. You meant that. You always mean it. You know what, just, please get out. I'm sorry for ever caring." Maya opened her mouth to speak but Riley had already turned around. And Riley didn't let the tears fall until she heard the window close.

##############################

"It'll be okay babe." Ethan comforted to his kind of girlfriend through the phone.

"I don't think it will be Ethan. Not this time."

"From what you've told me, she's always forgiven you. What's different this time?"

"I said something really hurtful. Something I shouldn't have said."

"I don't know much about your friendship, but you're best friends. She won't forget that just because you got in one fight."

"...Yeah, I guess you're right. Well, I'd better go. I expect my Mom is gonna go mental. Talk later."

"Yeah, talk later Mai." She hung up the phone and climbed up the fire escape to her apartment. Her Mom was waiting for her when she arrived.

"Maya. I don't even know where to begin."

"Then don't. I'm tired."

"Maya Penelope Hart-" Suddenly Maya felt a white-hot anger surge through her and whirled around to interrupt her mother.

"When did you start caring? Huh? Why do I matter to you all of a sudden?" Katie looked stunned at her daughter's sharp tone.

"Maya you've always mattered, I just-"

"Now you see, that's not fucking true. You were never around. But all of a sudden, I'm important? So what, Shawn comes around and suddenly you're a changed woman. I call bullshit. No more drinking, no more deadbeat boyfriends who give me weird looks, and no more 'acting jobs'? Yeah fucking right." Katie was shocked. Sure, she and her daughter had gotten in spats before, but never like this. And Maya had never been this harsh before.

"Maya-"

"No, you know what, fuck you. I'm done. I'm not doing this. Screw this. I deserve better." And with that she grabbed the duffel bag from under her bed, the one she had prepared for just this sort of situation, and took off out the window.

"MAYA!" Her mother screamed as she ran to the window. But her daughter was already gone.

**A/N- Muhaha, do remeber the angst warning? Well here it is! Also, this is what I meant by AU!Maya. It's a darker twist on her life story. And I apologise for the strong language, but I tend to have a bit of a potty mouth. Soz.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I own nothing but Ethan and my crap writing. So, warning in advance, this chapter does include the smoking of the marijuana. If you are uncomfortable with that... sorry.**

Ethan sighed as he heard a knock on the door.

"Aunt Maria? Did you forget your keys again? I swear-" He opened the door, but instead of seeing his aunt he found Maya, standing in the rain.

"Oh my god, Maya. Get inside. What happened?" He asked, dragging her inside. She was stony faced as he grabbed a blanket to warm her up.

"I- uh. I left. I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't know where else to go. I'm sorry, I could go, find someone who'd let me sleep on a couch or-"

"Hell no! You can stay here as long as you need. Just… what happened?"

"My mom. We got in a fight. A nasty one. I'm not sure what came over me. I just… left. And Riley… well, I'm pretty sure I burned that bridge."

"Shit Mai. Look just… sit down. I- uh- I got something that might help. Just stay here, OK?" And with that she plopped down on the couch and he walked towards his bedroom. He came back with a little bag full of green leaves and a piece of paper.

"Is that… weed?"

"Yeah, but it's cool. I have a weed card for my "anxiety". I got a friend in the business that hooked me up. I know things are shit right now, but trust me. This will make all your problems disappear. For at least an hour or two."

"What about your aunt?"

"She doesn't really give a shit. She actually thinks marijuana is good for you. Then again, she is from California." He replied as he began to roll the joint. He then lit it and took a drag. He then offered it to Maya. She hesitated, before thinking screw it, and took a hit. It didn't take too long before she started to feel the effects of the drug.

"Damn. That's some good stuff. I think." She told Ethan who burst into laughter, causing her to giggle. They continued to laugh and relax on the couch. They were enjoying themselves when they heard the phone ring. Ethan reached over to answer it.

"Helllooo?"

"Ethan? It's your Aunt. Look, I'm sorry but there's been a traffic accident and it seems like an all nighter. I probably won't be home tonight."

"M'k. Oh Aunt Maria, I have a friend who needs to stay over here for a bit. Is that ok?"

"Sure. Foods in the freezer. Talk to you tomorrow."

"Byyyeee." He then hung up the phone and turned to see Maya staring at him. He chuckled when she reached out to touch his face, making her laugh as well.

"Bed time." He told her then took her hand and led her to the bedroom. And they certainly did not go straight to sleep.

#################################

"Mmmm, 5 more minutes."

"C'mon Maya. We already skipped school for the last two days. We have to go to school today. No choice. Not unless you want a social worker turning up here." She groaned but rolled over to face Ethan.

"Fine. But I'm not sitting near the golden kids."

"Then make the kid next to me move."

"Not a problem."

"Want a smoke before we go?"

"Not a joint. But I will take a cigarette."

"Here." he said passing her the one he'd been smoking. He watched as she drew the last bit of life out of it and blew a smoke ring at his face.

"Happy?" When she nodded he leapt towards her on the bed.

"Now come here sexy. We can be a little late." She giggled as he attacked her with kisses.

################################

"Where is she? She missed first period. And she wasn't here yesterday. Or the day before." Riley asked worriedly.

"Calm down Riley. She'll show up eventually." Farkle tried, though she really wasn't listening.

"C'mon. It's your Dad's class. You know she loves his class. She'll be back eventually." Lucas comforted as they sat down. All of a sudden they heard a familiar giggle as Maya entered the room hanging off Ethan, and smelling strongly of smoke. Riley stood up, but Maya didn't even spare her a look. Instead she walked to the back, giving the boy sitting next to Ethan the famous Maya Hart glare, causing him to run up to her normal seat. Just after that Mr. Matthews walked into the room.

"Hello class- uh Maya? Why are you sitting back there?"

"Because I wanted to. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Excuse me? Is that anyway to talk to your teacher?"

"Do you think I give a flying fuck?" The whole class held their breath as Mr. Matthews gaped at Maya. Finally he got his act together and gritted out,

"Detention Ms. Hart."

"Don't expect me to show up."

"I'm warning you Maya. Don't do this."

"Whatever." He grit his teeth together, and turned to face the board.

"Now, last class we went a little more in depth about the battle of Yorktown. Can anyone sum it up? Smackle, Farkle?" Smackle stood up and began,

"The Battle of Yorktown was a military conflict between the Kingdom of Great Britain and its thirteen colonies in North America during the American Revolutionary War." She then looked at her boyfriend to continue.

"The significance of the conflict was that Cornwallis surrendered to George Washington as French and American forces trapped the British at Yorktown. The British surrender at the Battle of Yorktown ended the American Revolutionary War." He finished then they both sat down.

"Very good. Now, what can we learn from this? Zay, Lucas? Want to take this?"

"Even if the odds are stacked against you, you can win a war." Began Zay.

"Especially with help of allies. That way you will always win and survive. With friends you can do anything." Lucas finished then they both sat as well.

"Very good guys, you're learning already."

"But what if someone doesn't want the help of allies?" Asked Riley, trying not to look back at her best friend.

"What do you think would have happened to the patriots if they hadn't had the help of the French?"

"They wouldn't have won the war?"

"We don't know that for certain. But we do know it definitely helped to have allies on their side. It's always important to have allies on our side." With that the bell rang and all the students stood to leave.

"Ms. Hart? Can you stay behind? Maya? Maya!" He called but she completely ignored him. In fact she ignored most people, expect Ethan and his new stoner friends. Riley watched her best friend from their usual lunch table and did her best to resist walking over there and dragging Maya back.

"Look at her. She's hanging with the bad crowd. How do we get her back?"

"I don't know if we can Riley." Farkle sighed, suddenly not very hungry. The table seemed to be very gloomy as they watched their Maya sitting with other people.

"Was it something we did?" Asked Riley rhetorically.

"No Riles," Lucas said strongly, "None of this happened until that new kid showed up. In fact," he cried standing up suddenly, "I'm going to go have a talk with him. Zay. With me." And with that, the two boys walked over towards the table. The rest of the group exchanged looks before hurrying after the boys.

**I'M EVIL MUHAHAHA. Angst, angst, and more angst. I love eet. Also, my stance on the marijuana. I neither endorse or detest it. You know, just do you boo. Ok, but do you guys know how hard it is to come up with a life lesson from history? How did the writers do it each week, because fucking hell, it took me forever! I had to comb through American history to find one that'd work. Then you know, I listened to Hamilton and got my answer. Thank god for Lafayette!**


	6. Chapter 6

"Here comes trouble." Ethan whispered in his girlfriend's ear with a sing-song tone. She didn't even bother to look at the group approaching. She and Drake, a new friend they'd made, were having a very in depth conversation about what to do when the munchies hit. Lucas cleared his throat loudly when the group arrived at table. When nobody paid attention he tried again, louder this time.

"What do you want Huckleberry?" Groaned Maya not even bothering to look him. When he looked over at her, he was shocked at what he found. They'd been too fixating on the fact that Maya was back to notice her attire. She was wearing all black; shorts layered with ripped fishnet tights, a crop top with the slogan 'normal is boring' emblazoned across it, a beanie, a choker, a men's leather jacket, and darker makeup.

"Maya, what… happened to you?" She finally looked him and glowered.

"I went shopping. Now what do you want?" Riley suddenly walked up and stood next to her boyfriend.

"Maya, you have to come home. Everyone's worried about you. You can't just abandon us like this." Maya narrowed her eyes at her best friend.

"Riley I love you. But don't you dare tell me what to do when you don't know jack shit about what's happening in my life." Riley stepped back slightly seeming hurt and confused all at once.

"Maya, leave her alone. What's wrong with you?" Cried Lucas.

"What's wrong with me? What's-" Before she could continue Ethan placed a hand over her own. He gave her a reassuring look before standing up to face Lucas.

"Look man. You need to back off. If Mai wanted you here she would have asked for you here. But she didn't. And we," he continued gesturing at the rest of the table, "Are trying to eat. So in the words of the great playwright William Shakespeare, thou shalt fuck off." He said with a sarcastic smile, winking at Maya, causing her to giggle. Farkle gaped at her in disbelief.

"Maya? You're going to let him talk to us like that? You're not going to say anything?" She shook her head and stood up, wrapping her arms around her boyfriend's body from behind.

"What can I say? He's a wild cannon. Perfect for me, don't you think? At least that's what you always say. Watch out for Maya… you never know when she'll explode." She said bitterly. The friends exchanged looks and Riley stepped forward once more.

"Maya… please." Maya's hard look softened, she pulled back from Ethan to face her best friend.

"Riley, you are like my sister. You'll always be like my sister. And I love you. But I can't do this anymore. I need to be around someone who understands me."

"I understand y-"

"No. You don't Riley. You never have. You never will. You haven't been where I've been. You haven't felt that pain, loneliness, and emptiness. I need to be with someone that has. Now, please, just go back to the table where you belong. Because there's no room for you here."

Riley stood stock still. How long had Maya felt like this? How had she missed it? She wanted to grab Maya and hug her as tight as humanly possible. But instead her shoulders slumped in defeat and she turned and walked towards their usual table, her friends trailing behind. They had lost Maya. She had lost Maya.

#################################

"Katie? I just got a call from Corey. Apparently Maya showed up today." Topagana informed the worried woman on the other end of the phone.

"Oh thank God."

"Well, it's not all good news. Apparently she's gone off of the deep end. Cory had to give her detention and she told him not to expect her to show up. And she apparently got in a fight with her friends."

"No."

"And she's got a boy she keeps hanging off of and kissing. Apparently he's bad news."

"This is all my fault."

"No Katie, you can't blame yourself."

"Yes it is! I'm a terrible mother, and she hates me!"

"Katie, you can't do this to yourself. True, you've made mistakes in your past, but you've worked so hard to change. And Maya doesn't hate you. Not really. At most, she's doing what all teenagers do to their parents. Testing you."

"No Topanga, this was something different. There was so much anger in her eyes, her words. She truly hates me."

"Katie, you're her mother. She can't hate you. She just needs a bit of discipline. You have to show her who the boss is."

"I don't know... maybe you're right."

###################

"God that's good stuff!" Maya cried, giving Drake a high five as her new crew laughed. She passed the joint to Anderson and leant back to allow to the drug to flow through her. Instead of her old friends, she now had Drake, Davis, Rey, Anderson, and of course Ethan. She grinned lazily, observing her new found friends through her high. Drake and Davis were obvious losers. Not in a mean way, more that they were the stereotype to a "T". They looked and acted like a mix between Beavis and Butthead, and Jay and Silent Bob. However, they were actually pretty funny, and smart. They were fraternal twins, both from a broken family and the wrong side of town. They were Juniors, but had some of the best hash around. They were awesome dudes, ones she never even would have noticed if she still hung out with the Wonder Crowd.

The girls, Anderson and Rey, were two different sides of the same coin. In fact the only thing they really had in common was their shared passion for a special little plant. One was a skater chick, the other a artsy fartsy type. But somehow, the sophomores were still best friends, almost like sisters. Just like her and Ri-

"Stop thinking about her!" Maya whisper-shouted to herself. She was doing herself no favours by constantly obsessing over her best friend. She loved Riley. More than anything. More than the world. But… she just didn't understand Maya. Riley thought the world could be fixed with hugs and rainbows. But Maya knew the truth. This world would never be fixed. She had tried to trick herself with the idea of hope, but, she realised that that was all it was. A trick. Hope was just an idea. A lovely one, but just a fantasy. Because if hope was realistic, she'd have a loving mother and father. Or at least present ones. And she wouldn't feel so damn lonely all the damn time. Or so empty. Maya Hart had stopped crying a long time ago. She was the one who raised herself. With an absentee father and a disaster of a mother, she was left alone to pick up the pieces. So she began to hang with rougher types. Picked up their lingo, picked up some street cred while she was at it.

That all changed when she just happened to walk into that one special girls room. She became attached to that perfect, innocent girl with the perfect innocent life. Decided to protect her from the world. But she never took any time to protect herself. That's why-

"Babe." She blinked up at her boyfriend who was shaking her shoulder, knocking her out of her thoughts.

"Sorry?"

"I was just saying you were the deciding vote. Mexican or Chinese?" She stared at the wonderful guy in front of her. He was exactly what she wanted. What she really wanted. Someone a little rough around the edges, and in pain. But somehow, he managed to not get caught up in all the bullshit. He stayed good. Sorta.

"How about pizza?" He grinned down out her as cheers went up around the room along with orders.

**A/N: So that's that. Drama, pain, and of course... angst. Soooo yeah. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and stay tuned for the next!**


	7. Chapter 7

 It wasn't until much later that night, when they were both lounging around on his bed, that Ethan decided to voice the concerns he'd been having about his girlfriend. He propped his head up on his hand as she laid there, flicking through her phone.

"So Maya, what's going on inside that head of yours?" She turned over to face him, noticing the concerned look on his face.

"What ever do you mean good sir?"

"Maya." He deadpanned, unamused by her antics.

"Come on Ethan, let's not be serious. I don't want to think. I just want to live." She groaned out.

"I get that Maya. But at the same time, I care for you and want you to be happy. And right now, I don't think you're happy." She sat up at that, and stared him straight in the eyes. He sat up with her and gave her a cautious stare.

"I've never been happier." He gave her a sarcastic look. She sighed and leaned back.

"Alright, fine. Maybe I miss my friends, But at the same time, I like the people we hang out with. And maybe I miss my mom, but at the same time, she caused all the problems in my life. By being an absent mother, by caring more about herself than her own daughter. Yeah, I get she was going through a divorce, and a hard time, but so was I. My father had abandoned me, and my mother did too. At least emotionally." Her boyfriend stared at her before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Well, you got me now. Bad things aren't going to happen to you." She grinned, and scrunched up her nose.

"Bad things are always going to happen. Just make me feel better when they do."

"Well that, I can certainly do." He replied smiling softly at the blonde angel curled up next to him.

##########

"Maya. Maaaaayyyyya. Maya, c'mon. You've got detention today."

"It's Saturday Ethan. Saturday is for sleeping."

"Maya, you don't really have a choice. Look, come on, you get up and I'll make you breakfast."

"Ugh fine." She rolled over, and shoved a pair of pants on.

"You know this is all your fault." she teased as she walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his midsection.

"Oh yeah, and how do you figure that?"

"You're a bad influence." She whispered, leaning up and gently biting his earlobe before giggling and walking towards the kitchen table.

"I'm the bad influence?" He asked with a sarcastic chuckle. She nodded in amusement and watched as he pulled out the pans to make bacon and eggs.

"Sure are. See, I was this semi innocent girl before I met you." She remarked before seeing his joking look of disbelief.

"I said semi." He laughed at that, cracking some eggs into the pan.

"The point is that you came along and suddenly I'm this crazy girl who cares about nothing nor no one. If this was the Wild West, we'd be outlaws."

"Sure Maya. And if this was the 30's we'd be Bonnie and Clyde. Either way, we must be the bad guys, right? Because we smoke and drink, and most damning of all, have fun." She giggled as he pulled a horrified expression at this, impersonating every single person that gave them shit for living a little. She watched him talk, animatedly and without a care in the world, and knew somehow, she was happy.

She, Maya Hart, had found a guy that appreciated her for her, and not her best friend. She had finished pining away for an older guy that wouldn't give her the time of day, and she was done being alone. She finally found a guy that loved her and treated her right, and that felt damn good.

"And here you go, two eggs over easy with four slices of bacon, almost crispy and toast, slightly burnt. Salt and pepper to your left. Thank you, I'll be here all week. Try the veal. And remember to tip your waiters or they'll probably spit in your food." She grinned at his monologue, before giving him a peck on the lips and digging in. He watched her as she devoured her meal, playing with his car keys. When she had finished she turned to him and he held the keys up.

"Ready to go madam?" He asked in a terrible impersonation of a British accent.

"To the car James." She replied in a haughty voice before jumping on his back and pointing towards the door.

"Righty-O."

##########################

"Remind me again why I can't skip it?"

"Because skipping detention leads to more detention, which leads to suspension, which leads to expulsion, which leads to hooking on the streets. And, no offence, but I don't really wanna date a hooker."

"I'm offended. I'd at least be escort worthy." He chuckled at her reply before giving her kiss and shooing her out of the car. She sighed, but exited the vehicle. She watched him roll his window down and speak.

"I'll be at the cafè around the corner working on some homework. Call me if you need me, ok?" She nodded and turned to leave. She began to walk but before she left she spun around.

"Love you." She muttered, her face flushed. She then whirled around and quickly began walking in the other direction. He sat there in shock then began to grin wildly. When she heard him honk his horn, she turned to face him.

"Love you too loser." She grinned so widely her face began to hurt and waved as he left the lot. She then began to whistle as she resumed her journey into the seventh circle of hell, also known as detention.

###########

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Maya stared at the clock on the wall, urging it to go faster while Mr. Matthews, an almost father figure to her was watching her, his arms crossed as he leaned against his desk.

"Maya, are you going to talk to me?" Maya for her part continued to ignore her teacher aka her best friend's father as he gave her a judgemental look.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Silence.

"Are you going to apologise?" No reply.

"Are you going to tell me where you're staying?" Dead quiet.

"Are you going to tell me about Ethan?" A blank look.

"Are you going to tell me why you reek of smoke?" Nothing.

"Maya!" She finally turned and gave him a sharp look, one he'd never seen from the girl before.

"Let's see. No, no, no, no, and how about um… no." She then snapped her head back to the blackboard and ignored him.

"Maya please, just tell me what's going on. Maybe I can help." She groaned and turned to look at him.

"You can't help. Ok? Nothing you can do is going to change what's going on with me. In fact, half of this stuff is your fault."

"My fault?" She regarded him once more with that sharp, unforgiving look.

"Yes. Your fault. Because you made me believe in hope. You made me believe that everything would be alright, and you know what, it never was. There was a void in my life. Until Ethan came along, I was unhappy. I was unhappy and pretending to be fine. I'm finally happy and everyone wants to take it away from me. So excuse me if I want nothing to do with all of you."

"Maya I-" Suddenly the alarm he'd set went off, signaling the end of her period of imprisonment. She clapped her hands and stood, collecting her bag.

"Well, later Matthews." And before he could protest, she'd crossed the room to the door and walked out, leaving a stunned Cory Matthews behind.

**A/N: So, I think one of the pivotal moments in the show was Maya figuring out she had hope. So, like the evil person I am, I wanted to destroy that. Why? Because I'm evil. Yeah, so anyway that's that chapter. And, yes I know this is a darker, and twisted version of their characters, and the canon Maya would never act like that, but who cares? It's my interpretation of what Maya could have turned out like if her early formative years had been different,**

**Ok, hope you enjoyed! See you next time!**


	8. Chapter Eight

"Hey babe, I'm done. Yup. It was uh- certainly interesting. Can you come pick me up? Uh-huh. Really? I swear, New York drivers suck. Alright, well, did you at least pick me up a pastry? You're an angel. Ok… see you soon." Maya smiled as she hung up the phone.

It was nice. Nice to have somebody to depend on. Nice to have somebody who wouldn't judge her for making mistakes. Nice to have a special someone who chose her, and loved her, no matter what. Perhaps she had that with Riley. But Riley also lived on her own fantasy world, and could be so damn ignorant to what was going on around her. At least Ethan saw that she wasn't even close to ok half the time. How did her best friend- practical sister- miss that?

"Maya!" She heard a woman's voice bellow from the other side of the hall, making her blood run cold. She knew that voice, recognised it the minute it left the woman's mouth.

"Mom." She whispered, before turning a marching in the opposite direction

"Maya Penelope Hart, you stop right where you are!" Maya stopped and turned to glare at her mother.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed, seething.

"Taking you home. And you will behave. Oh you are so beyond grounded young lady. I'm taking away all your electronics, and your privileges! You are going to stuck in your room until you're-"

"Screw. You." Katy stopped her rant and stared at her glaring daughter.

"Wh- What did you just say?"

"I said, screw you. I'm not behaving for you. I'm not listening to you. And I'm sure as hell not going home with you." She replied, her voice rising with each sentence.

"How dare you? I am your mother and you will respect me!" Katy roared, trying to take on the role of the strong parental figure.

"Respect is earned, not given. And you sure as hell haven't earned my respect." She retorted, crossing her arms over her chest. Katy was gobsmacked. She and Maya had their tiffs before, but never like this, and never for so long.

"Maya, why are you acting like this?"

"Mother, I spent years of my life looking after you. Dealing with the weird guys you brought home, picking up the pieces when they broke your heart. Whenever you'd drink yourself into a stupor, I'd look after you. Me. No one else. I was always there for you. No matter what."

"Maya I-"

"And for what? You never once thanked me for it. But that was ok with me. I was ok with you missing my art shows. I was ok with taking the subway alone. I was ok with feeding myself every night. I was ok with helping you into bed every other night when you decided vodka would fix your heart rather than a therapist. Because I knew that one day you'd get better. That you'd pick yourself up off the ground one day. But I thought you'd do it for me! Not for some guy! And what hurts the most is knowing if Shawn ever leaves, you'll go right back to the ground. You don't care about me! All you care about is the next piece of ass that tells you he loves you!"

Katy stared at her daughter in utter shock. Her daughter thought that she didn't care about her? Maya really thought so little of her?

"Maya… you really think I don't love you?" Maya let a disbelieving snort.

"Show me any example of when you acted like a mother."

"I fed you, I clothed you, I put a roof over your head-"

"No, **I** did that! I made sure the bills were paid on time! I made sure to feed myself! I bought clothes with money I earned from doing side jobs like washing clothes for neighbours, babysitting, busking, anything I could do, so you could pursue your damn acting dream! Me, not you! So how dare you say you did anything for me?"

Katy wanted to fall onto her knees in horror. Gone was her tough mother attitude, because she saw herself for what she was. A mother who hadn't taken care of her daughter. She'd been so selfish, and this is what she had to show for it. Her daughter, her baby girl, was so broken. She tried to be strong but she was falling apart at the seams.

"Maya… I- I am so sorry." She replied, tears rolling down her face. Maya watched as her mother fell apart in front of her, stoically as her heart longed to hug her and tell her everything would be alright.

"You should be. You're a disgrace." She glared at her mother, a expressionless mask on her face. Suddenly, Cory Matthews came into view, startled by the two women standing in front of him.

"Maya, I… Katy, are you ok? Katy?" Cory cried in alarm as the woman fell to the floor, sobbing her heart out. He quickly ran to her, doing her best to comfort the bawling woman. He looked up at the girl standing above her with a cool look on her face.

"Maya, what did you say to her?" He asked in apprehension.

"The truth Matthews. I told her the truth." And with that she turned on her heel and walked her away as her mother dissolved into tears.

#################

"Drive." Maya said the minute she got into Ethan's beat down car.

"Mai? Are you ok?" He asked in concern.

"I said drive." He inspected her for a moment before shifting his stick into drive and speeding away from the school. They cruised around a bit before they came to a stop outside a park, calm and quiet.

"Come on, let's take a stroll." Ethan said, unbuckling his seatbelt and holding his hand out to Maya. After a moment she repeated his actions, and he kissed the back of her hand. Once they had gotten out of the car they began to long walk around the pond in front of them. They were quiet for the first leg of the journey, wandering around the pathway, hand in hand. It was nice, basking in the sun, children running around and laughing, so carefree. They passed a bench with an elderly couple feeding ducks, watching as they bickered yet still looked at each other with so much love in their eyes.

"Do you think we'll ever be like that?"

"No babe, I'll never look that old. Black don't crack." She giggled and shoved him lightly. He grinned at her face, the smile reserved for him, that set her eyes ablaze.

"So… you going to tell me what happened?" She sighed and relayed the story of the fight to him. He kept a straight face, yet squeezed her hand at just the right times, and nodded his head even when she went off on tangents. That was what she needed. Someone to listen. When she finished her story he led her to an empty bench and seemed to brace himself. He turned to her and stared her straight in the face.

"Mai… I think you need to talk to your mom." She looked at him, stunned, and prepared to go off on him before he held up a hand.

"Listen Maya. I love you, and all I want is for you to be happy. And right now, despite what you'd like to believe, you're not happy. The weed and the alcohol is great fun, and that's always going to be there… but family ain't."

"But, you're my family." He chuckled at that and brought his hand up to stroke her cheek.

"I'm here for you, no doubt. But you got a mom that actually cares. I don't have that. You've got to accept that."

"She doesn't ca-"

"Babe, she does. Or else she wouldn't be riding you so hard. Mai, she's made mistakes, I'm not denying that. But you're not going to get anywhere just yelling then running. Eventually there's going to be a day when your mom is not there, and all you'll have left is me and your friends. Don't you want her to know that she was loved? Don't you want to know that she loved you?" Maya listened to his speech and surprised herself to feel tears running down her face. She slowly nodded before pulling him into a tight embrace.

She dug her face into the crook of his neck and let herself experience the emotions she'd held back for so long. He rubbed her back in a soothing motion, allowing her to fall apart. After all, sometimes something needs to be torn down before something beautiful can be built back up.

**A/N: SO OH MY GOD, WE'RE NEARLY TO THE END. Yes this story was short, but I loved writing it. Shadow Of A Star is my baby, and I'm so glad to see some of you enjoying it. SO this was the big blowout seen, where all the angst is revealed! And, is it weird to say I love that last line? There's something so poetic yet bitterweet about it. And yes, that is a bit narcasstic. ANYWHO, hope you enjoyed!**


	9. Chapter Nine

"Katy, are you sure you're ok? Maybe I can bring some cookies or brownies or-"

"Topanga, really. There's nothing you can do. My only daughter hates me. And I can never win her back."

"Katy I-"

"Please, just… I just need some alone time. Please." The last word was barely above a whisper as the woman sat there, almost catatonic on the couch, a blanket wrapped around her. Topanga sighed, heartbroken for the woman. She couldn't imagine how it must feel, to have your flesh and blood treat you in such a careless way. She knew Katy had made mistakes in her past, but she was a good person at heart.

"I'll close the door then, alright? I'll check on you later." There was no response from the woman and Topanga sighed before closing the door and heading back to her own apartment. Around 5 minutes later Katy heard a knock on her door. She ignored it, expecting it was Topanga with some baked good. Then the knocking louder and louder until someone was literally banging on the door. Finally she stood and shuffled to the door, opening it after a deep breath.

"Topanga, I told you, I'm-" she stopped dead in her sentence. Because it was not Topanga standing in her doorway. It was not Cory. Or Shawn. Or even Riley. It was the last person she expected to see. It was her daughter. Maya had come home.

########

"Let's make something clear. I'm not moving back in just yet. And I'm not apologising for telling you the truth. But… I'm here to talk."

"Talk? Yeah, we can talk all you want." Katy said hurriedly, terrified that her daughter would walk away and never come back. She opened the door wider and let Maya walk in at her own pace. She shut the door and followed Maya to the couch where she had previously been crying on.

"Mom," Katy felt herself tear up at the word. It felt so good to hear daughter say mom again. Like all the troubles in the world had melted away. Like everything would forever be alright, "Mom, I have spent my whole life pretending I'm ok. Living for everyone else, but me. And I'm tired of that. I'm just tired." She began, her voice catching on the last sentence, and she furiously wiped at her eyes and their betraying tears.

"It's ok baby, just let it out."

"Whew. Ok, um… you've made mistakes. And I blamed you for them for a long, long time. But I realised today, that you are a human being. That doesn't excuse you, but… I love you so much. You're my mother. Despite all your flaws and issues, you are my mother and that is what matters." She finished, her voice wobbly and tears lining her eyes. Katy felt her heart stop as she watched her daughter. Her beautiful, strong daughter. Her broken, and flawed daughter.  **Her** daughter.

"Well, are you going to say anything?" Maya asked with a watery laugh. Katy said nothing, but enveloped her daughter in a tight embrace, not wanting to ever let go. She cried, oh did she cry, but there were tears of joy mixed into the tears of heartbreak. Finally, after what felt like an hour they pulled apart, each wiping at their eyes and trying their best to get themselves under control. Katy cleared her throat and looked her daughter dead in the eye before continuing.

"Maya. I've made a lot of my problems your problems. I wasn't always there for you. I should have been there for you. And you were lucky enough to find a family downstairs that could be for you when I couldn't. I'll never forgive myself, but I hope one day, you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. Yes, Shawn's a great guy, and yes I fell for him, but I'm your mom first and foremost. I want to be a better person for you." Maya nodded and smiled at her mother.

"It's going to take a little time. A little time to think things over. But I'll be back. I've got to find myself a little bit. It'll a take a little while, but I'll come back home." Her mother grinned a stroked her daughter's hair as she pulled her back into a big hug.

* * *

Riley sighed as she stared at her wall from the comfort of her bed. She was so lost in her thoughts she barely heard the tentative knock on her bay window. She turned to see a flash of blonde hair and was immediately up and running. She swung the window up to see Maya, the last person she had expected to see.

"Hey Lightning." Maya said gently as she entered into the room. Riley stared at her, eyes brimming with tears, and smiled.

"Hey Thunder." She then enveloped Maya in a tight hug, and neither side wanted to let go.

######################

"So what made you decide to come back?"

"...I never really left Riley. Not really. I thought about all of you everyday, I was just so caught up in my emotions, and bottled up pain, that I let it cloud my judgement."

"What, you mean getting involved with the bad boy?" Maya sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Ethan isn't the 'bad boy' Riley. He's a good guy who genuinely cares about me. Sure, he wears leather, but he's a really special person."

"But he smokes, and drink, and-"

"Riley. This is New York. Half of the population smokes and drinks. It's not such a bad evil thing. I mean in moderation, there's nothing wrong with it."

"You mean apart from the yellow teeth, ruined lungs, injured liver-" Maya groaned loudly breaking off Riley's rant about the health ramifications.

"Ok fine. It's kinda bad for you." Riley let out a chuckle at her friend's agreement, before sobering up.

"So… what are you going to do now?" Maya ran a hand through her wavy blonde hair and let out a sigh.

"I don't know yet. Ethan and I are looking at options once we leave school. I'm going to repair my relationship with my mother. And I'll figure out my living situation soon. But Riley, you and Matthew's were right. I can't keep bottling everything up. I've got to have my walls pushed down. And I can't do that alone. I'm going to need your guy's help." Riley let out a watery smile at her friend's answer, going to engulf her once more in a hug. However, Maya grasped her arms and looked her right in the eyes.

"I hope you know I'm not going to be the old Maya again. Because Riley, she never really existed. She was just a figment of everyone's imagination. The real me smokes, and drinks, and goes to clubs. But that doesn't make me a bad person. I like the new friends I made, and I'm not going to give them up. I love you Riely, and I love our friends, but I love Ethan, and my other friends too. I like being able to live freely. I'm going to need you to accept that. I need you to be able to care about the person I really am. Not who I was pretending to be." She waited with baited breath while Riley sat staring at her. And then she was once more in a bear hug.

"Maya, of course I'll accept you. I may not like it, but I love you and that matters more. Peaches, we're all here for you. We'll always be here. Forever and always." Maya smiled brightly, snuggling more into the warmth of the hug. She had been lost. And now she'd been found. She was with her home once more. And this time, she felt real.

**A/N: And so our story comes to a close. Just the epilogue left to go. Whew, drama, angst, but a happy ending. I'm about to cry.**


	10. Epilougue

**Epilogue**

"Now presenting your senior class of 2020! Congratulations Patriots!" Everyone in the stands roared as the class flung their hats up to the sky, eyes shining with hope and promise for the future. Life was just beginning, and god was it ever exciting.

"Congratulations baby! I'm so proud of you!" Katy shouted enveloping her daughter in a tight hug. Maya laughed, a joyous sound that caused her mother to smile brightly.

"And congratulations Riley!" She cried, grasping the brunette into the hug, so that she was clutching both girls at once. She pulled back to stare at their happy faces.

"Oh my girls. I could not be prouder of you!" She declared dramatically, wiping fake tears from her eyes. But it was true, she could simply not be prouder of her girls. Her Maya, had managed to get accepted into Columbia University on a full ride for her art. She would be getting her bachelor in art history if everything went well, and pursue her dream of not only being an artist, but an art curator at the Guggenheim Art Museum. She had even gotten a tattoo to commemorate her success. An easel, just sitting empty, waiting to be filled. Riley, on the other hand, had been accepted into NYU and was planning on studying law, just like her mother. She wanted to work for a non-profit organization, and bring a little more light into the world. Lucas had been accepted into NYU as well, and was going into veterinary studies. They were still very much the power couple, and were closer than ever.

Smackle and Farkle were, of course, both going into the biological science program at Cornell University, and had been ranked best in their grade, sharing the top spot. Zay, on the other hand, had been recruited from high school for baseball to train to be the next Derek Jeter. The gang had all grown up, and were all bound to be the future leaders of America. But had anyone expected any different?

As for Ethan, he would be juggling night college and his paid internship at Sony Music Entertainment. It turned out that Ethan was not just a pretty face, but a very talented singer, and pretty smart to boot. He and Maya had saved up enough money to afford an apartment close enough to where Maya would be attending school. It was tiny and cramped, but it was theirs. She had moved back in with her mother a couple of months after their reconnection, and after more than a few family therapy sessions had become closer than ever. She even had a new stepfather from her mother's marriage to Shawn, and would be expecting a baby brother in the spring. It had taken some heartbreak and pain, but Maya had gotten her happy ending. She had kept her best friends, her new friends, and the man she loved. She had done it.

Maya, in the simplest of words, was finally happy.

 

 

**A/N: Wow. I have spent months and months pouring blood, sweat, and tears into this story. It's my child. And now like it's characters, it's gone off to college. I'm a little heartbroken. But I hope you all enjoyed reading this. It was dark, sometimes funny, but most of all... angsty. This story is really close to my heart because of the way I grew up. Not with all the family problems, but living in an area that doesn't accept people who smoke or drink, or like to have fun. I wanted Maya, a character I really respected to kind of show that although people will judge you, all you have to do is be your raw, authentic self, and the right people will still love you. I uh... I think I've said all I need to say.**

 

**Hi! I'm Ellie. If you've stuck with this story this far, congratulations! You have really low standards ;-) Nah, in all honesty, I wrote this so long ago, and look back and cringe, but it's still my baby. I wrote it when I was angry at the world, like most teenagers. But I can look back now and see, the world ain't so bad all in all.**


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